Each year, an estimated five million men and 415 thousand women are diagnosed with early onset Tater Syndrome.  Although some experimental medications are currently in the trial phase with hopes for approval from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration in the years ahead, the dramatic uptick in cases over the past decade has proved devastating on morale for liquor store workers on the front lines of this modern-day epidemic.

A source who wished to remain unidentified, “Suzy,” who’s owned a small liquor store for the past twenty years reports that she consistently has patrons at her store walk up to her and scream “BLANTONS!  BLANTONS!” right in her face.  Suzy reports even being offered in the past week alone, a cooler full of lamb cutlets, three minutes of “making out,” and a pet cat named Pete all from individuals seeking access to allocated bottles of bourbon.  What’s most troubling about this whole situation however is that many individuals afflicted with this disease are unaware they even have it.  For this reason, we here at Bourboneur have worked with top medical professionals from across the country, familiar with Tater Syndrome to identify a suite of characteristics which will help you know whether or not you or a loved one may have early onset Tater Syndrome or a more advanced case.

Taking the time to complete this free self-diagnosis will provide you with instant results that will help you ease your mind, reduce unnecessary stress, avoid discussing awkward symptoms with loved ones and will increase your awareness of this devastating illness.

The self-diagnostic test is constructed as a series of questions which, depending on answer will determine if you have a normal condition or varying degrees of Taterism.  Please sum your point total for each question to receive your results using our rapid test tater tool.

Bourboneur® Rapid Test Questionnaire

1. When you hear of a new bourbon hitting the market that’s getting some hype do you run out to purchase it immediately?  Yes (3 points) No, (0 points).
2. Have you ever inquired with a store employee whether they had anything in the back, under the counter or had any Blantons?  Yes (3 points) No, (0 points).
3. Do you open and drink your bottles of bourbon you purchase?  Yes (0 points) No, (5 points).
4. Have you ever taken a crotch shot with a newly acquired bottle of bourbon and posted it to social media?  Yes (4 points) No, (0 points).
5. Have you ever waited in a line overnight for a bourbon drop?  Yes (3 points) No, (0 points).
6. Do you know the name(s) of liquor store employees at the store you shop at?  Yes (0 points) No, (3 points).
7. Do you know when deliveries that may have allocated bottles are made at certain locations and followed the truck from store to store?  Yes (3 points) No, (0 points).

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Understanding Your Results

The rapid test tool is a test that gives relative results to measure high or low values compared to a normal range in order to quantity the progression of Tater Syndrome.  The accuracy of the test may be affected by factors such as:  being drunk when you take the test, inability to read above a first-grade level, or not answering honestly.  Mid-range values may indicate a developing concern.  The good news for those of you scoring towards the higher end of the spectrum is that Taters are People Too.  The first step as always, is acknowledging you have a problem.

Exciting News

This week we launched our exclusive members only section of our website which can be pinned to your phones home screen as a mobile app for quick and easy access on the go. The new web app incorporates familiar features like the Bourbon Blue Book™ and the Bourboneur® blog and includes an expanded offering of tools and resources to help Bourboneur’s everywhere become whiskey wise. Want to keep up with new Bourboneur features, bottles drops and more?  Join our community of thousands by scrolling down and subscribing to our weekly email list – you can also find us on Instagram, Facebook, and yes, even TikTok.  Show us some love and give us a like on your favorite platform, or all of them and keep up with all the Bourboneur happenings!

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